Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Dog, The Ducks, and The Idiot Chasing Them Both

One wrong decision in a day can completely set you up for failure.

Like leaving the garage door up because you think, ah well, I just have to run in, get the dog, and take her to the vet.

Except the dog freaks out when you grab her leash for some reason. She tears through the house and hits the door to leading from the house into the garage. You don't think much about it cause she can't open that door.

Except she does. So now she is tearing through your neighborhood, looking over her shoulder at you like, HAHAHAHAHAHA.

So you go after her. She's decided that she wants to eat the ducks. But the ducks do not want to be eaten. So they go around, and around, and around the pond after each other. And you, like an idiot, go around and around and around trying to get the dog. It's like the merry-go-round from hell, with the ducks in the middle, and you and the damn dog on either side. A neighbor comes out and sees you. You think he's going to help.

Except he doesn't. So you think, if I bring out the other dog and feed him ham she'll get jealous, just like she always does, and come over.

Except she doesn't. So now you are staring across the pond from each other. You watch helplessly as your pain in the ass dog goes swimming through the muck. Finally, you realize that maybe one of your more friendly neighbors will help. Two people can corner her. So you knock on their door. The neighbor laughs at you, but agrees to help.

Except the dog has had enough of the ducks and shoots through the neighborhood. You watch as she speeds off. You curse a lot. Your neighbor just shakes his head.

Except apparently her little doggie brain couldn't handle the possibility of loosing a duck dinner, because miraculously, she comes back.

Now you and the neighbor have ham treats to give to the dog, when really all you want to do is strangle her. You and the neighbor split up, hoping to trap the escapee.

She sees the neighbor. She likes the neighbor, but she sure as hell isn't going to let the neighbor catch her. So as the neighbor gets closer, she gives him the HAHAHAHAHA face, and runs off.

This time though, she has made a mistake and cornered herself by a concrete block. Where you are waiting.

So you thank the neighbor profusely, run inside, towel off your soaking, stinky, fur exploding from everywhere, dog. You have no time to change clothes if you are going to make it to the vet. So you just load up and go.

All because of one decision to leave the garage door open.

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