Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Questions Not to Ask an Author

There is a lot of misconceptions about the life of an author. From the actual art of crafting a novel to the end game of being published, there is a whole world in-between that most people are blissfully unaware of.

So here are some questions/comments in each step of the process that you simply shouldn't ask/say to us.

While we are writing a novel.

1. So, when will your book be out?

I have no idea. In fact my idea has no idea.

2. You know, Paranormal books are hot right now, why don't you write one of those?

Sure! Let me scrap this book that I've been laboring over and jump right on that!

3. You're working? Oh, you mean you are writing?

Writing is working for us. Please don't get confused on that. Remember that we have wicked imaginations so if you piss us off enough, we will name a character after you and horribly abuse them. You have been warned.

4. Oh, your book sounds like.....

It's no secret that almost everything has been done before. Someones book will always sound like something that is already out there. We are not trying to rip anyone off. Saying this will make us narrow our eyes in a threatening way.

While we are Querying.

1. When will your book be out?

I have no idea. That is the point of querying.

2. Why are you even bothering with that? I mean you earn more per book if you just throw it on Amazon.

Thank you, person who knows nothing about publishing, for that stunning insight. However, as a person who actually does this,  I know that most self published books get lost in the mix. Sigh...yes, I know Amanda Hocking did it, but self publishing just isn't right for me. *grumble, grumble*

3. How do you know they won't steal your book?

Well, because I actually researched the people who I am submitting to. The people who had email addresses like, I stayed away from.

4.  What happens if everyone says no?

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I think I'll go drink now.

When we finally sign and agent/publisher

1. When will your book be out?

I have no idea, I just signed yesterday. There are edits to be done, editors for the book to be sent too, more edits to be done, publishers for the book to be sent to, MORE edits to be done....This all takes an enormous amount of time. I promise you, the nanosecond I have a release date I will be shouting it from the roof tops.

2. You're making how much per book? That's not very much, you should have self published.

Really? You are now going into my next book. Horrible things will happen to you in it. You were warned.

3. I'm not sure I would have gone that route. (Whatever the route is that you went)

Please, person who STILL knows nothing about this industry, tell me more.

Yay, we have a release date!

1. When is the movie coming out?

A you *($*#*$) kidding me?


  1. I like to say: "That's an interesting idea! You should totally write that yourself!"

  2. OMG! This is hysterical. I just read it aloud to my writers group and they loved it too. I have to share =)

  3. I get "So did you get that book published yet?"

    A year or so of the same people asking and me getting more and more annoyed, they stopped asking. I think they think I'm just an epic failure who will never publish, but at least they're not bothering me anymore about it.

    Mostly, I just don't talk about writing with non-writers. Learned that lesson.

  4. Yeah, I got the, "So are you published yet?" question too. head/desk

  5. Great post and unfortunately have heard them all.

  6. Epic, JE. Just epic. Great post!

  7. Oh thank you, my first smile of the day! I self-published one on Amazon just to make most of these questions go away. Now I can quietly work on my other books and plug away at the traditional route and they can all SHUT UP. Sorry. Rant over. And yes, I do make horrible people into characters all the time.